August 17, 2007

I feel drained and exhausted.  My brain has stopped functioning and I simply just can’t concentrate on anything at the moment.  All work and no play is making Buddess very miserable.  So, I am officially taking a time out and doing what I enjoy most….blogging!!!

I think I am officially addicted to blogging.  I have had several addictions in my life and of all of them, I think this one is not so bad.  Compared to a food addiction, weight loss addiction, alcohol and sex addictions(no details will be made available, so don’t even ask), I am confident in saying that this one is probably fairly “safe”.  Apart from the fact that it does consume quite a bit of time it doesn’t have too many disadvantages.  I have often had days where I thought and felt like just crawling into a dark corner somewhere and pray that the world will just leave me in peace, but then I sit down in front of my laptop.  My fingers just automatically start typing away and I find all the therapy my mind needs. I get so involved in all the stories I read that I laugh or cry and sometimes scream “NO!!!” at some entries that I have come across that I am soon revived and ready to face another day. 

I must also admit that I watched the movie World Trade Center on Wednesday evening and it reminded me of the 2996 Project of last year. It also made me think of the person that I remembered and the fact that according to the info I got off the web, he was directly below the point of impact of the first plane.  My heart goes out to every single person who was affected by those acts of hatred.

All in all, what I am trying to get to is that I simply can’t do without my blogging.  I have to do it every day and that simply boils down to an addiction.  I don’t see it as a bad thing.  I have it under control and I am not going to stop!!!  If it wasn’t for my complete and utter self control, I would probably spend all day on the net, but doing that won’t feed my children will it?  So, I declare that I am a blog-addict but not an out of control blog-addict. No, let me rephrase that by saying that I am proudly an in control blog-addict. 

You all go and have a wonderful weekend and be sure to write all about it because come Monday, I will be checking to see what you got up to.


Daze of my life

May 23, 2007

It has been a while – again!!  Life is full of oodles and noodles and a little bit fun at the moment.

My last post was a bit nostalgic and I think has left a few people very confused.  Maybe that is a good thing.  Put some mystery back into my blog.  But alas, I wear my heart on my sleeve and I know that is why I get so emotional about things. 

It has been a tough period and full of good and bad happenings.  The good is that

my business is doing well,

my team won the Super 14,

I played in a pool competition as part of a team for our pub and won the games that I had to play,

I found a new place of residence,

The bad is

business could be better,

the rest of our team didn’t do so well and we lost the compo by 2 games,

I have to move again.

As far as my relationship is going, I don’t know if it is going to be going up or down.  For now, we are moving together and will take it step by step. Staying together is better for our two little ones and while we are not fighting and also while things are peaceful at home, it is best for them that we stay together as long as possible.  Falling in love is wonderful, but falling out of love is shattering. It is not that either of us are involved with someone else, but rather that we don’t seem to love each other anymore.  We have grown used to having each other around and are more like friends than lovers. Enough said about that.

Our other blogger friend Celeste, is doing well and her baby is due in about a month. She has to fight with her other half to get access to the computer and she is seriously suffering withdrawals.  So, this is me saying hi to all of her readers and just letting you know that she is well and blossoming.

For Angel…..

April 30, 2007

Angel left an interesting comment on my previous entry and she has made me think about the things I was pondering about.  Let’s see what I can come up with.

1. What’s up with the cricket? 

My final analysis is that it simply just wasn’t our day.  If we had won we would not have seen the Australians making complete fools of themselves by prematurely celebrating a win in the world cup.  Ok, they did win in the end, but it sort of wasn’t the same after they made idiots of themselves during the last few overs of the game.  Shame on them.

2. What’s up with my husband leaving me???

He doesn’t deserve me.  I am way too good for him and he can eat his silly old socks and suffer for what he did to me.  It is very big of him to admit that he made a mistake but I am most definitely not going to give him another chance at it.  

3. What’s up with my friend leaving???

She had to.  She was not happy here and if she hadn’t left and started a new life in New Zealand she would never have met her wonderful loving husband, Ian. Thanks to our wonderful technology, she is always only on the other side of the phone or e-mail.  It doesn’t change the fact that we are best friends. It also doesn’t change the fact that I can still talk to her or ask for advice.  It also doesn’t change the fact that I love her dearly and only wish her all the happiness that she deserves.

4. What’s up with the pregnancies????

Miracle of life.  I wouldn’t change them for anything.  They have brought so much joy to me.  They have taught me unconditional love and show me so much love that my heart wants to burst at times. I did have myself sterilised though, just in case another miracle tries to happen. Besides that, I am getting too old now to do the whole nine month carry the baby thing.  Come to think of it, I will be almost 60 when my babies reach their 20’s.  I doubt if I will be able to handle the sleepless night they are most definitely going to cause me.  Strangely  though, I am looking forward to it. 

5. What’s up with the agency???

I have finally done something right.  I have worked very hard at this and I am not going to stop now.  This is a culmanation of years of hard work and wanting to do something worthwhile with my life.  I love people and I communicate well with people.  I am not the best speaker but I always manage to get my message across.  I have a lot of drive and ambition and yes, I am very enthusiastic about the product because I believe in it.  I think it is my bubbly personality and honest face that always wins the customer over.  I don’t just believe in selling the product and waving the purchaser goodbye.  I believe in selling the product, installing it, showing the customer how to use it and most importantly letting the customer know that I am only a phone call away if something does go wrong.  Fortunately for me, I live in a relative small city and same day service is mostly possible and that is important to a customer.  They don’t want to hear about next week or even tomorrow.  They want to know that they can see you today!!! That is my aim.

Ok, questions asked and answered.  Now can I please get out of this mood and just be my normal funny silly self again??????

I think I must go play some pool again. Get some of my frustration out and I can’t think of a better way to do it than knocking a few hard round balls across a table. I can think of another way but there hasn’t been a lot of luck in that department lately.  Maybe I should phone a friend and ask for advice or assistance in this regard……………………………

That’s more like it.  Seems that I am clawing my way back. Come hell or high water, I refuse to feel so depressed and angry.  I will laugh even if it means laughing at myself or my 9 1/2 toes!!!!!!

What’s up with that?????

April 26, 2007

It was simple.  All they had to do was hit a few balls and score some runs. Then they were supposed to send the other team in and bowl them out before scoring more runs than we did.  They got bowled out for 149 lousy runs.  In a world cup semi final of all places.  What’s up with that????

Another simple thing.  I met a guy and fell in love(so I thought).  He was supposed to just love me back and treat me well.  Instead he found someone else and left me. Now he is crying that he made a mistake and wants me back.  What’s up with that??? 

I meet my soul-mate and then she moves to the other side of the world. What’s up with that???

Here’s another one.  I got told by my physician that I won’t be able to fall pregnant and then I have two beautiful children.  What’s up with that???

Just in case you’re still reading, here’s another one. I got passionate about a certain accounting package that I came across.  I registered to become a dealer with them and sold some packages and now I have been appointed as Agent for the region I live in.  They love my enthusiasm. What’s up with that???

So, I guess you have gathered by now that I am in a bit of a pensive mood today.  I have so many questions milling around in my mess of a mind.  A couple of months ago, I chose this new path that I am now travelling on and instead of settling down, I am asking myself all sorts of questions.  Some of them are scary and some of them are just random what’s up with that’s.  What amazes me is the fact that I am so busy with work but yet my mind still finds time to jab all these questions in my direction.  Why now???

Why still stay in SA????

March 15, 2007

My very dear friend Terri posted a question on her blog and I tried to leave a comment, but wasn’t able to.  It made me think very deep and very hard.  I quote her question..

“So here’s a question for all you South Africans still living there:

What’s it like to live there now? ”

In my honest humble opinion, it is still great!!!!  Yes, nunnies!!!  We still have sunny skies, braaivleis, rugby, cricket, parties with friends, nice long rides on the motorbike, big homes with big gardens, beautiful green trees in our suburbs.  We also still have the sounds of children playing soccer in the streets or the sounds of the two ancient half deaf neighbours’ conversations.  I quote one from last night..

Man:  “Madge!!!”

no response

Man:  “MADGE!!!”

no response

Man:  “M-A-D-G-E-!!!”

Wife: “Yes, dear”

Man: “Where did you put my paper!!”

Wife: “What paper??”

Man: “My fucking newspaper.  What other paper can I be talking about you stupid woman!”

Wife: “Check the bathroom you idiot!!”

Now this couple must be close on 90 and have most probably been married for 70 years.  They don’t walk anymore.  They simply just scuffle.  Believe it or not.  This old man still has a job that he goes to every day!!

What else do we have that is great?  Our beaches for one.  We have so many filmstars and famous people from all over the world owning beach houses here.  I doubt if there are any left for us South Africans. 

Despite all the reports of violence, SA is still one of the most desired places in the world as a holiday destination.  We have beautiful game farms and national parks.  Very popular tourist destinations.  Come see how the lions rule the jungle.  No, we don’t often get to see them roaming our streets as some people still believe.  We do get to see the occasional monkey or snakes or some other form of reptile. Simply take a drive from one city to another and you will encounter buck and rabbits or some other form of wildlife just by looking out the window.  We love to take a ride at night down the marine drive(coastal route around our city).  You get to see so many little eyes staring back at you. 

So who cares if we have to drive with our windows shut and doors locked, if we still get to see those little eyes? The worst problem apart from house breaking in our city is smash and grab incidents.  They(the bad people) smash your front window or passenger door window and grabs your handbag or cellphone or whatever is within easy reach.  The solution is simple.  Don’t leave anything there for them to grab.  It is simple common sense!!! People need to be aware of where they are at all times and simply pay attention.  We don’t have to live in fear. Be prepared and be alert.  Isn’t that someone’s motto???

I know I have considered leaving South Africa.  After putting a lot of thought into it, I realized that it is merely because I miss my friend so much that I am willing to shake the African dust off my feet.  I know I won’t be able to make a permanent move.  So what if our taxes are high?  So what if petrol is soooo expensive? So what if owning you own home is becoming a luxury? So what if telecommunication here is probably the most expensive in the whole world? 

I’ll tell you that we definitely still have our braais with our friends.  We still drive to work every day.  We still talk and communicate over the phone or internet every day.  We all live somewhere that we call home.  The fact that you own or rent hardly ever comes up in conversation.  Life is carrying on as usual.

 The only thing that has changed is the fact that our country is short on qualified people to do the work required. A lot of our top level professionals have left the country.  A prime example is Mark Fish.  One of our soccer heroes.  He left our country because of violence.  You know what, he returned to our country because of exactly the same reason?

Violence doesn’t only happen here.  It happens everywhere. 

One problem that does worry me is drug addiction.  I am more afraid that one of my kids will choose that road than I am of one of them being affected by violence.  I am not going through life with blinkers on.  I also don’t harbour the attitude of “it won’t happen to me”.  I know all the risks.  Chances are higher of the first happening.  That is a serious situation.  A child was caught with dagga in his possesion at school last year.  The education board overturned the school’s decision to expel him saying that it is within his right to sell dagga at school.  What message is that sending to our children???  It is situations like this that makes me scared in our country.  Our supposed leaders make the strangest decisions and that is why we need the Saffas back. 

The other scary thing is that I am a white South African who went to school during the apartheid era.  If I now look at the text books used by my children, I realize how much has changed. The history I studied at school is not the history being studied by them.

I have sent this question posted by Terri to some of my friends and I will do a follow up post containing their answers. Let’s see what they come up with.

Maybe I am living in a dreamworld. Maybe I am still here because I want to believe that everything is going to work out. Maybe I am still here because I want my children to grow up in the beauty of our country. When I look at how the teenagers of today interact with each other I have hope for the future. When I see black, white and coloured children party together and socialize, I believe that there is hope for our future. They are all the same. They have the same dreams and ideals. They love our country. They aren’t talking about leaving South Africa and finding there wealth elsewhere. They want to make South Africa a force to be reckoned with. They want to play rugby and cricket for South Africa. They are talking about going into politics because the polititians of today “don’t have a clue”.

I believe that there is hope because the children have restored my hope.

What a let down??

February 19, 2007

I have many passions.  One of them being rugby. Now, unfortunately for me, I am a Blue Bulls fan and I have to ask myself the question.  Why oh why oh why????  What a disappointing game on Friday evening?  It was a game that they shouldn’t have lost.  They had it in the bag and then they just let it slip away.  I am at a loss for words…

 We have 5 teams playing in the Super 14.  All our other teams won their games over the last weekend.  The Lions even beat the Crusaders.  But what were the Bulls thinking???? That is a major part of the problem in SA rugby.  Go into the lead at half time and then just defend that lead.  What utter bull???!!!! How can any team think that? Some people say it is because the Bulls are arrogant and think they are superior.  The Bulls had an opportunity in the last minutes to level scores after getting a penalty within reach of the posts, but no Mr Matfield decided not to take the sure 3 points.  This happened not once but twice in the dying minutes of the game.  That surely supports the mindset of them being an arrogant side.    A draw in my book is better than a loss. 

I have never been a Sharks supporter.  Don’t ask me why, but I just never liked them.  Bearing that in mind and the fact that my team are treading water at the moment, I want to commend them for the results they have shown so far.  What a different team from last season!!!  I almost also want to single out the very young Lions team and say “Keep an eye on them”.  They have something that most of our other teams lack and that is good discipline and team work.

My player of the weekend was most definitely Percy Montgomery.  I haven’t seen that kind of commitment from any other player in a long time.  Well done to you Percy!!!!

My ag shame player would be Schalk Burger without a doubt.  The guy must have seriously pissed of the worst referee ever.  Schalk was eventually sent off the field for offences he did not commit.  Schalk, shave your hair because I think the refs are looking for that bush of hair of yours and you are way too easy for them to spot. 

Lover’s revenge

February 15, 2007

I stole some time from my own busy schedule and read some blog posts about Valentines Day. The common trend was very negative and I am not at all surprised.  I find the same with Easter and Christmas. 

When I was still a bright eyed teenager(long time ago) I lived for Valentine’s Day.  It all seemed so much different back then.  It was about sending someone you “liked” something signed “guess who”.  The fun part was not really knowing where these gifts, cards or notes actually came from.  It was all innocent fun and obviously the more gifts you received the better.  It was a cardinal sin to sign your name or even hint at your identity. 

Today, Valentines Day is a joke. It has been commercialized to death.  All the fun has been taken out of what used to be a very special day.  Gone are the days of finding a flower on your desk with a note saying “You are beautiful” or finding a box of chocolates with a note saying “Go on, just eat them.  You can diet again tomorrow”. 

Another thing I realized is that men and women look at the day in a completely different way.  Women get warm and fuzzy feelings about the special meaning of the day.  Men think “Oh my God!! How much is this going to cost me and will I get some *bouncy-bouncy for all my trouble.”

Why all the pressure about doing something better than the next person? Why do some people feel the need to spend so much money in the hope to get lucky at the end of the night?

It also made me think and ponder on which Valentines Day has left a lasting impression on me.  Sadly, I can’t recall a Valentines Day that will forever remain in my memory.  I can only add that one thing that I do remember happened about 10 years ago when I worked for a very large company.  I used to run the events coordination section and used to deal with lots and lots of clients.  One of these clients walked in on Valentines Day and personally presented me with the biggest bouquet of flowers I had ever received and in front of a whole office of people told me the following.

“This is in no way a sexual advance.  I am merely sharing this with you today because of the person you are.  If I could choose a perfect Valentine, it would be you.”

He turned around and walked away.  After I stopped blushing and endured all the office banter, I realized what the gift was all about and I knew then that that is what Valentines day is about.

Will we ever be able to find our way back to those days?

I met a guy yesterday while at a client.  We chatted and laughed about the whole concept of Valentines Day. My client is a happily married guy and was actually offended by the idea of sending a bunch of flowers to someone that you are not married to or romantically involved with. The other guy summarily obtained my cell number from someone in the building and on my way home I received a Valentines message from him. He is also a happily married guy and was obviously trying to prove a point.  Don’t know if I got it, but it did make me smile. In all honesty, it made me feel good that he went through the trouble of finding my number and all that.  Does he have ulterior motives?? I hope not because that would just spoil it all won’t it???

I think what I am trying to conclude is that in SA we have 3 seasons,  Valentines Day, Easter and Xmas.  Please note my spelling on Xmas because in my own personal humble little opinion Christ has disappeared from Christmas and replaced by X marks the spot for the best deals available.