Pick the month you were born:
April–I dry humped
May–I choked on
July–I did the Macarena with
August–I had lunch with
September–I danced with
October–I sang to
November–I yelled at
December–I ran over
Pick the day (number) you were born on:
7——-my cell phone
9——-my best friends’ boyfriend
11——-my science teacher
14——-a stuffed animal
20——-a baseball bat
25——-a football player
29——-a permanent marker
31——-A homeless guy
Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White———-because I’m cool like that
Black———–because that’s how I roll.
Pink————because I’m NOT a homosexual.
Red————because the voices told me to.
Blue———–because I’m sexy and I do what I want
Green———because I hate myself.
Purple———because I’m cool.
Gray———-because I was drunk
Yellow——–because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange——-because I hate my family.
Brown——–because I was high.
Other——-because I’m a ninja.
None——–because I cant control myself
Now type out the sentence you made in the subject line and enter in the comments field. I got I danced the Macarena with a fireman (wasn’t Dan Dan) because I’m cool like that.
If I was wearing a blue shirt it would have said I danced the Macarena with a fireman because I’m sexy and I do what I want.
Let me know what you get.
I was cleaning out my mailbox today and came across this joke. I have completely forgotten about it and I laughed so hard, I almost fell of my chair.
Sofi was a prostitute, but she did not want her grandmother to know about it.
One day the police raided the whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel and Sofi was among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the drive way. Suddenly Sofi’s grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.Gogo asked. “Why are you standing in line here dear?”
Not willing to let her grandma know the truth. Sofi told her grandmother that the policemen were passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.
“That’s very nice of them. I think I’ll get some for myself” said grandma and went to stand at the back of the line. A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all the prostitutes. When he got to grandma, he exclaimed, “Eish, Still going at it at your age? How do you do it?”
Grandma replied, “It is easy dear. I just take my false teeth out, rip the skin back and suck them dry”.
The cop fainted!!!!!! and everybody dispersed.
Pick the MONTH that you were born in & put it in the comments and then you tell me if you think this is accurate. You don’t have to read all of it. Unless you want to check the accuracy of the other months.
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts.Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Ratherreserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds.Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious.
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent andclever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honestand loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious whenrestricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but thoes not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp.Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside……..Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
Attractive personality.sexy. Affectionate.Shy and reserved. Secretive.Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity.Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy.Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others.Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention.Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented.Loves special things. Moody.
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret.Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention.Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave andfearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional.Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory…….. Moving Motivates oneself and others.Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their luver can see.
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharpthoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deepfeelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs nomotivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strongclairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Goodimagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts.Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children.Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite andsoft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tendsto delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny andhumorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer.Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easilyhurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up Easily bored. Fussy. Seldomshows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive……..Stubborn.
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood.Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation.Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful.Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody andeasily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically andmentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving.Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judgespeople through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Lovesto be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to bequiet. Homely person. Waits for friends Never looks for friends. Notaggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems.Loves to be loved.
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless.Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generousand egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises.Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous.Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Lovesto lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music anddefense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learnsto relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to makefriends .
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes topoint out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talkwell. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed.Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive.Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look forinformation. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivateoneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisureand traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings…….. Verychoosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things atthe center. Inner and physical beauty. Doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often.
Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care ofwhat others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves totravel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair.Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Uniqueand brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strongclairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive.Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative butamiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there isa will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angryunless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others.Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciates praises.High-spirited…….. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic.Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities.Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions.Unpredictable.
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions.Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to bewith. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved.Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changingpersonality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions.Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.
So, what does your birthday month say about you. Let me know. By the way, I’m JULY!!!
I received the following by e-mail and it is just too good and felt I had to share it.
A friend of mine has a big Labrador retriever. While I was buying a large bag of Dogmor at Pick ‘n Pay for him, a woman behind me in the check out queue asked if it was for a dog (what a question)On impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Dogmor Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I’d ended up in the hospital last time.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet. The way that it works is you load all your pockets with Dogmor nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story.
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in the hospital last time because I’d been poisoned.
I told her no; I was sitting in the street licking my balls when a car hit me.
I had some fun on this site. Here are some of the results. There are so many to choose from and I will have to visit there again.
|What Your Underwear Says About You|
When you’re bad, you’re very bad. And when you’re good, you’re still trouble!You’re sexy, in that pinup girl, tease sort of way.
|You Are Most Like Samantha!|
For you, dating is the ultimate sport
You’re into guys with power, looks, or a lot of money.
You rather have a great two weeks than a great forever.
But even you fall victim to love from time to time. 🙂
Romantic prediction: You’ll find love in the next few months…But you’ll be the last one to realize it.
|You Are a Natural Beauty!|
You’re the kind of beauty that every guy dreams about…
One that looks good in the morning – without a stich of makeup
That’s doesn’t mean you’re a total hippie chic though
You have style, but for you, style is effortless
|You Are a Normal Girl|
You are 40% Good and 60% Bad
Sure you’ve pulled some bad girl stunts in your past.
But these days, you’re (mostly) a good girl.
You Are a Coy Flirt!
Men want a challenge and you are the perfect playmate
You know how to push men’s buttons and attract a wide range of guys
You enjoy living and loving – it’s one of your most attractive qualities
Men are often consumed with desire for you, and you love that!
and the most interesting one so far
|You Have Your PhD in Men|
You understand men almost better than anyone.
You accept that guys are very different, and you read signals well.
Work what you know about men, and your relationships will be blissful.
My friend sent me this this morning and it gave me a good chuckle.
Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back…or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do….
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, “How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?” I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn’t say a word… he knew better. Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women’s type I had been using. After browsing forseveral minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, “I think I like playing with men’s balls.”Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, “No, I’m just looking at your nuts.”My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let meforget.Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab holdof her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.I told her that if she did not start behaving “right now” she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, “If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy’s pee-pee last night!”The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of mydignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.Amy Richardson, Stafford, Virginia
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When shefinally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, “PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE.” That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word “Tampax” for “THUMBTACKS.” In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom.”DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?”Diane E. Amov
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was onhim constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said “No.” I kept thinking, “Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don’t have any clothes with me.” Then I said, “Danny, are you SURE you didn’t have an accident?””No,” he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, “Danny, did you have an accident?”This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. “SEE MOM, IT’S JUST FARTS!!”While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they’d ever had!
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likelythink before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don’t get any…a true story…We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked:”So Bob, where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night?” Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did toothey were laughing so hard!