Should I stay or should I go???

April 5, 2007

This is a serious rant.  If you liked me until today, I’ll advise you not to continue reading.  Just skip this one and come visit me again when I am more cheerful.  If you do choose to continue reading, you might want to delete me off your blogroll. No, just kidding.  But it is a serious family related rant and I will appreciate any comments you have. 

Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be trouble
An’ if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know

That is a very heavy question.  It is also a question laying solidly on my heart.  Most woman, actually most people, want to feel loved and appreciated.  Most people want to come home to peace and quiet and spending a lovely family evening together.  You know, asking questions like “how was your day”, “did you sort out the problem in class”, etc.

Instead I come home to a house full of visiting kids seeing that is school holiday.  Since Friday last week, I have had on average 10 – 12 children sleeping in my house.  As if I don’t have enough of my own and Mr B’s, I now have to deal with all their friends too.  I have to fight my way over legs and towels and dirty clothes to get into the sanctity of my bedroom.  I live in a huge house but I hide in my bedroom to prevent myself being nasty to the kids.  I am constantly shopping for milk, bread, butter and cooldrinks but yet when I feel like having a sandwich low and behold, there is no bread.  I turn to the next best thing, a cup of coffee.  So, I make the coffee and turn to the fridge for some milk to add to my coffee but do I find milk in the fridge?  No, just an empty container with a couple of drops in the bottom.  I won’t even talk about the prospect of having a nice cold class of cooldrink. Never mind not finding any cooldrink in the fridge, I won’t find a glass in the cupboard to drink the cooldrink out of. They have broken 8 glasses in this past week.  It is a miracle that Jodi or Jessi aren’t walking around with cut feet.

Am I feeling sorry for myself? For sure I am. Am I asking for empathy? Most definitely! Will I get any from Mr B? I don’t think so.  His take on it is that the kids are happy and well liked and have lots of friends.  All things very important to teenagers, but I think they have crossed the line and it is now a fact that they are taking advantage and I simply just won’t have any of it anymore.  They don’t ask if so and so can sleep over.  They simply just do it.  This last week has emptied my grocery cupboards and the financial strain attached to it is also just making me more furious. 

I can’t help but think what type of parents these other kids have.  Some of them haven’t been home in almost a week and do the parents care? Do they phone to find out if they need anything? What about a phone call or just a visit saying “I know his been here for a long time, here’s a loaf of bread.” I didn’t grow up like this.  My own children don’t feel free to visit me because there is no space for them.    

This is simply not my way of doing things.  They(boys and girls) all sleep in the flatlet section of the house.  The problem is that we don’t know who is sleeping where and with whom.  When I objected, I got shouted down by Mr B and told to relax.  “Stop being so bitchy with the kids and let them be.  They are on holiday and enjoying themselves.” I have to go and do 6 loads of washing tomorrow because every towel in my house is dirty.  Every duvet has to be washed because each and every one of them is dirty.  I don’t mind the work, but I do mind that they don’t offer to help.  They simply bitch because they can’t find any clean towels or bedding. Not one of these visitors brought a clean towel with them.  Between all the swimming and showers and so forth, I have run out of clean towels and I have lots of towels.  Like some women buy shoes, I buy towels(you didn’t know that about me!!!). 

I am normally a good kind hearted people loving person with a contagious smile and witty sense of humour.  I have big bright shiny eyes and when I looked in the mirror this morning, I got a fright.  The person staring back at me was a hard angry woman with red eyes.  She looked tired and old.  Like she has had all the life sucked out of her.

I have to go home now.  I am scared to because I don’t know what is waiting for me.  I am scared that I am going to finally blow my lid and then Mr B will take his kids and leave.  Or maybe I want that to happen… I don’t know anymore.  Maybe I should find a little townhouse or flat for myself and the kids and make a new life.  One where I make or break the rules. One where I will be in control.  Maybe that is what I should do….


My sister!!!!

November 30, 2006

A while back I spoke about my pregnant sister about to have her second set of twins.  Well, it happened on 28 November only two days after my own daughter’s birthday.  It was considered news worthy here at home and actually made it to the front page of the daily newspapers!!!!  Go to the link below and have a look at the now large family. The link takes a while to open, so please be patient.  It is worth the wait.

I am so proud of the two of you!!!  I want to wish you well and all the best for the future and many hopefully peacefull nights ahead.

Love you both!!!