A while ago I asked Reluctant Nomad to interview me like he was interviewed. He accepted and has posed some tough interview questions. He is quite accurate in his view of me as a person. He has caught on to what I have exposed of myself. A couple of mishits here and there, but that is only due to how I told a story and not his fault at all. You can wander on over to his site to see the questions he posed and here are my answers. Some of them were difficult to get into words, but let’s see how it goes.
Answer Question 1: I am terribly sentimental. I cry if I see pictures of my friends that have left the country. I cried when I had the mishap with my new camera and lost the pictures I took for Terri in Ireland. My soulmate is my friend Gillian who has moved to New Zealand. I worked with her ex husband and it was them who introduced me to biking. I also met my third husband through them. Gillian and I shared everything. I think I somehow portrayed a picture of a bad biker chick who can drink with the boys and not be bothered. Instead I am the one who would be out on the dancefloor dancing up a storm and drinking just enough to keep myself mellow. I hate hangovers and I hate not being in control of myself. I however love to have fun. My then husband was a heavy drinker and I had to look after him and make sure he didn’t make a complete fool of himself. I wasn’t always successful at that and I sometimes think that I had a bigger laugh at him than most people. All in all, this was a happy period in my life and I think that is why I often refer back to it. My life up until that point wasn’t very exciting.
Answer Question 2 – Yes, my first husband is the one that took me to my matric dance, but no, he isn’t the one who hurt me. I in fact hurt him. We were married when I was 21 and soon after had 2 children, but when I was 27, life just didn’t make sense anymore. I went into a severe depression and left my him. I think I blamed him for the state I was in. I met him when I was 16. We never went out. It is not that I wasn’t allowed. He wasn’t interested in pubs and clubs and so forth. I was madly in love and was happy to sit at home and watch videos or have a braai with his friends. I lost contact with all my schoolfriends. My whole life focussed on keeping him happy. I started working soon after leaving school and before I knew it, I was in a rut. My life consisted of work, home, work, home and church. We never played. Money was always an issue in our relationship. I had to please explain what I did with my salary. Nothing was mine. Not even the children. It was always his car, his house, his children, his, his, his. He was a very egotistical and selfish man. He didn’t want to have children and was upset with me when I fell pregnant. He was/still is a pigeon fancier and that was Number One in his life. I just got tired of it. I made a decision and left. The kids stayed with me and thanks to them, I didn’t commit suicide even though I was close to it on several occasions. I saw a doctor, got medication and started clawing back. I met a wonderful(??) man. We dated a while, got married and when I realized what a mistake I made, it was too late. Now followed a very dark period. It took 3 ½ years out of my life. If it wasn’t for a colleague, I would probably still be stuck in that situation out of fear for husband number 2. I would prefer not to talk about it if you will forgive me. Maybe at a later stage, I will tell all. The one who hurt me, was the one that I trusted completely and that was husband number 3. From the day that we met, we were close. We just understood each other so well. Yes, he did drink too much, but when drunk he became a teddy bear. We had so many laughs together and my kids loved him. He helped me become myself again. He also helped me to get my children to visit me again and stay over for weekends and holidays. He had two children whom I adored and his son lived with us. He asked me to marry him 23 times and on the 24th occasion I said yes. Because of what happened before, I was terrified and he knew that. We got married in July and at the end of November that same year, he told me that he was seeing someone else and wanted to be with her. I was devastated. I begged and pleaded with him not to do this to me and the children. I even told him to have his affair and get it out of his system. How desperate does that sound? Things seemed to get better and we even bought a house together and just before we were about to move into the house, I realized that he was still seeing her. Next think I know, I got chucked out of our home and had to collect my clothes from the back of a bakkie parked in the driveway. He had the affair and still chucked me out of the house. We were divorced just after our first wedding anniversary. Re-reading this answer, I realized that I didn’t completely answer your question.I dont speak about the other two because husband #2 was the biggest mistake of my life and husband #3 broke my trust. Even though we are on speaking terms with each other, I still haven’t forgiven him for what he did. Husband #1 and I are on very good terms and we often talk and mail each other. He has realized that me leaving him was the biggest favor anyone has ever done for him. He has turned himself around and is a much better person now.
Answer Question 3: I met Bazil while all this commotion was happening with Husband #3. He was a shoulder to cry on, if I can put it that way. He allowed me to express my emotions. He saw me at my worst and he didn’t take advantage of that. He built my confidence up again and made me feel sexy again. I lost almost 20 kg’s while all this was happening. I was in fact looking better than I did it many years. I believe that God will forgive me for living in sin. If anybody should understand, it is Him. The idea of ‘living in sin’ would have bothered me when I was 18, but not anymore. I believe that if your heart and faith is in the right place, you are doing ok. Both Bazil and myself feel the same way about marriage. He was married for a very long time and in that time had several affairs and even a child with another woman. His ex-wife is part of our lives and even though it was difficult at first, I have accepted that. He is very involved with his children and therefore has daily contact with their mother. It is not that I have trust issues, boy because I should have. I believe that our relationship is stronger than any marriage can be. We have both been hurt before and we respect each other’s feelings on the subject. Yes, we have two beautiful children together and I am very happy with him. We have more parties than I did in my biking days, but I now have a responsibility towards especially my two babies. They come first and that is just perfect with me.
Answer Question 4 – ‘Cocaine Cowboy’ is long gone. I threw him out. Whenever he comes to our house, the two of us ends up in an argument. He is the weakest person I have ever met. His own mother has disowned him. He still has an on/off relationship with the mother of his child. Even though I feel dreadfully sorry for that little boy, I have realized that I just can’t save everyone. The boy has a granny who is looking after him now and even though the mother also lives there, he is under the care of his granny and that is good for him. I am not one to be messed with. Don’t abuse my kindness and don’t break my trust. That is what he did. He stole from us and I will never forgive him for buying drugs while Bazil’s 15 year old son was with him in the car. As for taking him in in the first place, that wasn’t my decision. Bazil has a kinder and more giving heart than me. We didn’t even take him in. He just moved in on his own. But he is gone now and I am happy for that.
My teenage children live with their father in Pretoria. He was transferred there just over 3 years ago and we decided that it would be better for the children’s education and sport activities, to go to school in Gauteng. They have more opportunities there and are both keen at sports. My son plays cricket and my daughter swims on provincial level. She does very well academically and is in a very good school. She stayed with me for almost a year, but decided to go back to her dad because she wasn’t happy in school and missed swimming. She adjusted well to being back there and I see them school holidays. Not easy, but life isn’t always easy and it is a price I have to pay for decisions I made earlier in my life.
Answer to Question 5 – I won’t stop them. I believe that they know the dangers involved because that has been told to them many times. How can I tell them that they aren’t allowed to ride a bike if I do it myself? I believe that they will all become bikers and I have to trust that I have taught them enough about the dangers involved. My son is getting a bike next year and he is very excited about it.
Answer Question 6: With the two little ones to contend with, we don’t get time to go to the movies, but we often get DVD’s. If a movie hasn’t caught my attention in the first 10 minutes, I will turn it off. I don’t particularly enjoy a lot of violence and blood. If it has sex in, I won’t mind as long as it forms part of the storyline. I would totally walk out of a cinema if I didn’t like the movie. I always try to find out something about a movie before I watch it anyway.
For those of you who may want to be interviewed in this fashion, here are the Official Interview Games Rules:
If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying, “interview me”.
I will respond by asking you five questions – each person’s will be different.
You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.