How to insult an Afrikaner…

October 28, 2005

If you want to insult an Afrikaner, you simply call him a Dutchman and watch the blood rush to his face. Ben O posted a comment recently on my blog questioning a term I used while answering a tag from Chitty and Michelle. My last comment was that I hate the word Dutchman and the incorrect use thereof. Let me explain ….

I am an Afrikaans speaking South African. As a result of a constant English versus Afrikaans struggle, several derogatory terms have been used to refer to either Afrikaans or English speaking people. I did a google search and came across the following explanations:

Dutchman: (Not a Hollander). Slang for an Afrikaaner. Warning: Don’t call anyone this to their face, particularly if they love red meat, drink Klippies (brandy) and Coke and wear socks up to their knees.

Rockspider/Dutchman: A derogatory term for an Afrikaner.


Afrikaner name for an Englishman, or an english speaking South African.


An english speaking South African term for an Afrikaner – Hey, you rock spider! Who you calling a ‘soutpiel’? Come here and I’ll klap your lights out!”

Now, I know all countries have something similar to this. For instance in America you have trailer trash.

Trash is appropriate vocabulary for Springer’s show, since the word can also be used to describe most of his guests. As a noun, it means a person of low behavior, usually from a “bad” family. An interesting subgroup is trailer trash: poor, trashy people who live in prefabricated homes (trailers) in trailer parks. Though you can find trailer trash anywhere in the US, they are usually stereotyped as ignorant Southerners

And in America a Redneck means something completely different

Redneck, a related term, describes a bigoted rural Southerner. According to southern comedian Jeff Foxworthy, you might be a redneck if you have more tattoos than teeth, shave your legs with your husband’s fishing knife, have a Jack Daniel’s poster in your living room, answer the door carrying a shotgun, and have at least once thoughtfully placed a six-pack of beer into your friend’s casket before he was buried. While rednecks are not identical to trailer trash, it is entirely possible to belong to both groups at the same time.

So, in other words, a Dutchman=Rockspider=Redneck=Trailer Trash and I am definitely not one of those and you can therefore understand my hate (yes Hate) of the word. Two other prime examples are the use of the word Nigger(African Americans) and Kaffir(Black South Africans). If you call someone a kaffir in South Africa, said person can sue you. Can I sue someone for calling me a Dutchman? Now that will open up a whole new can of worms. If you have any more of these offensive words out there, please let me know about them.

Please feel free to visit here for some more interesting South African words and sayings.


Blog story

October 25, 2005

The first chapter of this story was started by my friend on his blog Blairblogg. This is my continuance thereof. Let us see how far the story goes.

By the time I reached the table, Toby had seen me and made space for me next to him at the table. This placed him very close to Jessy. I had to smile at his sharpness. She was even more beautiful from up close. I couldn’t help thinking that she doesn’t belong. What brought her to this place? Even more, why would she come back here? There was nothing spectacular about the place.

I decided to introduce myself as no one else made an attempt to make any introductions. “Hi, I’m Dave and you must be Jessy. I have heard so much about you”. When she looked directly at me, I almost got lost in the clarity of her blue eyes. I immediately understood what the fuzz was all about. I felt like I was drowning. The feel of her hand taking my outstretched hand brought me back to reality. Like a lifeline thrown to a drowning sailor. “Hi Dave. It is very nice to meet you. The guys were telling me about you earlier. I believe that you travel a lot. That would mean that we have a lot in common. “I started thinking if I was the cause of all the laughter coming from the table earlier. Were the guys telling her some of my travel stories? I suddenly regret some of the tales I told them. I thought it was supposed to stay between us. I realized that I was still holding her soft hand in mine. “You will have to tell me more.” I said and grudgingly let go of her hand.

I took the seat next to Toby and silently sipped my beer. A strange feeling came over me. I was still trying to identify the turmoil inside when Toby asked how my trip was. I had been on a scouting trip to a University just south of here. “It turned out to be a total waste of time. The prospect played a game three days ago and did serious damage to his knee. I doubt if the poor boy will ever be able to play again. I met his parents and they showed me some footage taken over the past few years. He showed real talent”. From the corner of my eye, I saw Andy at the other end of the table. Andy is a good looking guy, tall, blonde, green eyes. He is normally the guy in the group that women tend to talk to first. He has this innocent look about him. For some reason, he was at a loss for words. He just sat there and stared. I got the feeling that there was something more to Jessy suddenly appearing here.

“Would you like another drink Jessy?” I offered. As I got up to go to the bar, she put her hand on my arm and said that she would walk with me.

To tag or not to tag…

October 22, 2005

I have been tagged by both Chitty and Michelle. Seeing that I am in a joyful and playful mood today, I will attempt to do this in record time. Actually, I am not going to tag anyone except Allan , but if you wish to do it just to play along, I’ll be waiting at the swings.

20 Random things about me plus a bonus answer

1. I am a serious rugby fan – Blue Bulls.
2. I have never been out of South Africa.
3. I can play pool, cricket, tenpin bowling – good at all ballgames.
4. Don’t challenge me to a game of darts, because you WILL loose.
5. I LOVE Tequila even though I haven’t had any recently.
6. My friends call me Jo.
7. I love to sleep and seldom suffer from insomnia.
8. I don’t answer a phone call if it says private number.
9. I once had a famous SA actor begging me for my number and once he got it, he phoned me non stop. My parents wouldn’t allow him to take me out. I was 17 at the time.
10. I have beautiful eyes.
11. I am scared of heights, but one of my life goals is to bungee jump.
12. I am mad about motorbikes and used to ride my own – Suzuki Bandit 600 – Bloodred!
13. My b/f’s friends won’t look for trouble with me again, because one used to have a habit of slapping all the girls on the backside, until I slapped him back and he has never done it again.
14. I am a good fisherman.
15. I married the guy that took me to my matric farewell.
16. I recently learnt that I was apparently considered a good kisser at school.
17. I have never been on a train ride.
18. I have never broken any of my bones.
19. I can stick the neck of a Hunters Dry bottle down my throat without gagging – party trick discovered once while drunk – jaw dropper!!
20. I hate the word Dutchman and what it implies and the incorrect use of it!!!

Bonus answer

Something I have always tried to hide from everyone and have finally made peace with
I only have 9 1/2 toes.

There you have it, most of it is true!!! So, read them, love or hate my answers, hope to have fulfilled some of your curiosity Chitty & Michelle.

Let’s laugh a little….

October 21, 2005

I recently received two jokes I enjoyed. The first one astounded me and the second one cracked me up completely. Enjoy…

Number One

Acoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in
waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht
frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a

Number Two

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on.

The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife’s attention

So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was entering by stating each letter out loud as he typed…..






His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:


Only in South Africa….

October 20, 2005

It’s Great to be a Souf Efrikan

This is a great country because:
1. You can eat half dried meat and not be considered disgusting.
2. Nothing is your fault, you can blame it all on apartheid.
3. You get to buy a new car every 3 months and the insurance company even pays for it.
4. You can experience kak service in eleven official languages.
5. Where else can you get oranges with 45% alcohol content at rugby matches?
6. It’s the only country in the world where striking workers show; how angry they are by dancing.
7. You’re considered clumsy if you cannot: use a cell phone (without car kit), change CDs, drink a beer, put on make-up, read the newspaper and smoke, all at the same time while driving a car at 160 kph in a 60 kph zone.
8. Great accent. (!!!)
9. If you live in Johannesburg, you get to brag about living in the most dangerous city in the world.
10. Burglar bars become a feature, and a great selling point for your house.
11. You can decorate your garden walls with barbed wire.
12. The tow-trucks are the first on the scene for most major crimes, without being called. The police you have to call about three times.
13. Votes have to be recounted until the right party wins.
14. Illegal immigrants leave the country because the crime rate is too high.
15. The police ask you if they must follow up on the burglary you’ve just reported.
16. When a murderer gets a 6 month sentence and a pirate TV viewer 2 years.
17. The prisoners strike and get to vote in elections!
18. The police stations have panic buttons to call armed response when they are burgled
19. Police cars are fitted with immobilisers and gearlocks!

Ja nee!! Dis VREK lekker hier!!

Just to confirm our uniqueness, this picture was posted on jollygoodjokes recently

and yes, we do see them regularly in our streets.
The SPCA even have staff members who monitor the condition of the animals and if found lacking, they are confiscated from the owners. Look closely, this donkeycart is parked in a University staff only parking bay.

I still love my country and even though we have problems, we still have the most beautiful people and places. I would love to travel and see the rest of the world or at least some of it, but this will always be my home.

Oh, all right, just because you asked so nice…

October 20, 2005

Let’s just say that due to not being able to put two words together for the last couple of days now, I have decided to accept Terri’s tag.

1. If money were no object, what would you be doing with your life?

TRAVEL!!! I would visit all my friends who have left the country and whom I haven’t seen in way too long. I would also become the female version of Richard Branson.

2. Money is just that – an object, so why aren’t you doing it?

My friends won’t buy my tickets hehehe and I missed the auditions for Rebel Millionaire.

3. What’s better: horses or cows?

Depends what you want to do with them, eat them or keep them???

4. What do you think the secret to happiness is?

In terms of a relationship it would surely be love.

Personal happiness I would say knowing yourself, your limits and a strong bank account.

5. When was the last time you had a dream that you either remember well or did not want to awake from? Can you share a bit?

As I said before, I don’t normally remember my dreams. If I had to choose, it would probably be the one I don’t want to awake from and no, I can’t share that one…

6. When you were a little kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be a teacher or a nurse. Later I decided that I would be a very sexy Hollywood actress and that an agent would spot me in a crowd and just whisk me off to Hollywood – ok, I was only 8 at the time…

7. Complete this statement: Love is…Never having to say

…pass the aspirin

8. Can you tell a good story? (write one!)

Can’t put two words together now. Will have to come back later to attempt this one.

9. Can you remember your last daydream? What was it about?

Oh yes, and I can’t share it hehehehe

That is me for now folks. Hope you giggled here and there. Bye for now.

Summer Holidays

October 12, 2005

In continuance of my previous post, I have to admit that I can’t seem to shake the blues. I am not having relationship problems at all. That is one department that has been very strong for almost 3 years now. Can baby blues be setting in so long after birth? My baby is almost 7 months old. It is difficult to deal with so many mixed emotions. I watched an old movie yesterday on Hallmark, The Wishing Tree. It made me realize again the innocence of a child. How easy it is for us to jump to conclusions and judge others. I sometimes wish I could be a child again. To be able to just lie in the sand, staring at the clouds and dreaming about being a grown up. How easy it just all seemed way back then?

I have always told my children to stay children as long as possible and not to be in a hurry to become grown ups. You should see the puzzled looks on the faces. As if they are thinking WTF?? Isn’t the whole aim in life to become a grown up? Well, if what I am going through now is a grown up thing, I am going to petition the government to cancel “Grownups!!” and allow us to stay children forever.

When I was starting High School, we lived about 2 kilometers from the sea. During school holidays, we used to pack a picnic basket and walk to the beach. We included myself, my sister, my brother and the two girls from next door. The beach was a quiet spot. We would spend the whole day there eating peanut butter sandwiches and drinking mix-a-drink. Sometimes we were lucky that other people also joined us and every now and then there would be a nice guy and all of us would try to win his attentions. This lead to several holiday romances. Our parents were only too happy that we were able to keep ourselves busy and always knew where to find us if they needed to. I must admit that we were very good back then. But then again, that was a safe time. We could walk the 2 kilometers to the beach through a bush path without being scared of stalkers or attackers or rapists. We could spend the whole day at the beach just lying around and didn’t need our computers, playstations or mini ipods. We would take my Gran’s little radio and batteries and have music for the whole day. We didn’t worry about brand names, cd’s were unknown back then. A set of rollerskates(rollerblades were still being invented then) and a skateboard was enough to keep 5 of us busy for hours. Later we would “borrow” my dad’s car(fittingly a beatle) and drive down to the beach. Peanut butter sandwiches and mix-a-drink were replaced by braaivleis and Esprit. But then the neighbor’s moved away and summer holidays changed.

My parents developed an urge for camping. We used to spend Easter Holidays at Gamtoos. It is a camping spot between Port Elizabeth and Jeffreys Bay. If you could afford it back then, you would go to Jeffreys Bay. It was always the same people who went there. Obviously more holiday romances. I haven’t been there since I was 16. This was a tough time. Saying no when your hormones have started kicking in, was very difficult. I was so scared of my mother that I would never even think of “doing it” with a boy. Hey, there was no harm in snogging!! We would sneak off to Jeffreys Bay again in a car stolen from an unsuspecting parent and hang with the “cool kids” and rush back before dark to avoid being grounded by our parents. We would do the family thing and have supper together, but as soon as supper was finished, we were allowed to find our friends again. I remember dancing in tents, laughing a lot and snogging a lot, walks in the moonlight on the beach or just a bunch of us lying outside the little shop staring at the stars. Of course still lots of snogging sounds all around!! Then I met my first serious boyfriend and I would never be the same again.